Sayings in Sports Will Fill a Book

Today’s Morning Briefing is devoted to some selections from over the years in “The Book of Sports Quotes,” by Bert Randolph Sugar:

Buzzie Bavasi, Dodger general manager, on the play-me-or-trade-me demand of Don Zimmer: “We played him and now we can’t trade him.”

Jack Faulkner, Ram assistant coach, after the Mike-Mayer brothers both ad missed short field goals in the same game: “I’m just glad they’re not a trapeze act.”

Dr. Joyce Brothers, on her husband’s addiction to sports: “If we did get a divorce, the only way he would know it is if they announced it on ‘Wide World of Sports.’ ”

Bear Bryant, Alabama football coach, asked his favorite play: “It’s the one where the player pitches the ball back to the official after scoring a touchdown.”

Dick Butkus, on the 1973 Chicago Bears: “Mirro Roder is going to be the best field-goal kicker in the league in a year or two. Well, so much for our offense.”

Barney Nagler, sportswriter: “The only difference between Cleveland and the Titanic is that the Titanic had better restaurants.”

Danny Murtaugh, Pittsburgh Pirates manager, after a public-address announcement that anyone interfering with a ball would be ejected from the ballpark: “I hope Dick Stuart doesn’t think that means him.”

Ilie Nastase, tennis player, on why he didn’t report the loss of his American Express card to Karl Malden: “Whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.”

Rod Laver, asked if he’d ever played tennis in Orange, N.J., before: “I must have. I remember the bar across the street.”

Pepper Rodgers, UCLA football coach: “I had only one friend, my dog. My wife was mad at me, and I told her a man ought to have at least two friends. She agreed. She bought me another dog.”

Pat Gillick, Toronto Blue Jays general manager, on the demand of 39-year-old Rico Carty for a multiyear contract: “I don’t mind paying a player, but I don’t want to pay for his funeral.”

Lou Brock, baseball’s all-time base stealer: “When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly. He cut the legs off the bed.”

Garry Maddox, Philadelphia Phillies outfielder, asked to describe his first grand slam: “As I remember it, the bases were loaded.”

Bill Stoneman, Montreal Expos pitcher, on why he didn’t use an agent to negotiate his contract: “You don’t need a lawyer to tell the club you had a lousy year.”