Trumpets, Phones, Tans on Wheels: Creative L.A. Commuting

There he was, cruising the southbound Hollywood Freeway, the young Mick Jagger lookalike in his vintage Jaguar . . . turning the car into a mobile tanning parlor by cupping a large sheet of aluminum foil under his chin as he sang along with the music.

And there, on the San Diego Freeway, moving north in a silver limo, was columnist Art Buchwald, telephoning his secretary in Washington. According to Buchwald, his secretary gave him a message to call L.A. radio talk show host Michael Jackson about setting up a time to appear on the program. So Buchwald called and Jackson decided to interview him on the spot, transforming the limo into an instant radio studio. While on the air, Buchwald reported that other driver/listeners had spotted him on the 405 and were waving.

And, of course, there they are, every morning on any Southern California freeway or street, those drivers who are gulping coffee, shaving, applying makeup, styling their hair, using toothbrushes and dental floss, learning to speak Spanish, deep breathing, performing isometric exercises, dictating taped memos, even transcribing tapes--all while they somehow manage to drive to work.

As you might have predicted, police officers are not amused by Southern California motorists’ proclivities for doing one or two or six things at once while operating their vehicles. When it comes to the amazing assortment of enterprises people manage to accomplish in moving cars, Los Angeles Police Department and California Highway Patrol officers have seen it all, much of which is not printable in a family newspaper.

The law is not very specific about what California motorists can and cannot do in their cars. As LAPD officer Fabian Lizarraga explained, “Generally, it’s not against the law to do anything with your hands while you’re driving--as long as it doesn’t interfere with your control of the vehicle. You can’t be wearing anything or have anything in your car that will impair your vision.”

While officers have begun ticketing motorists for wearing stereo headphones and obstructing their hearing while they drive, Lizarraga pointed out that headphones can still be worn if only one ear is covered.

So, it would seem, a skilled driver could, theoretically at least, play a trumpet to the accompaniment of the radio while cruising down the freeway to work. (Such a feat has actually been witnessed here.)

“If they’re playing it with one hand and they’re not swinging it all over the place, if they still have full control of the vehicle and have their eyes open to all sides, it wouldn’t be a problem. But it would probably be kind of hard to do,” Lizarraga said. “You’re liable to do something wrong and get ticketed--not for playing the trumpet, but for lane straddling perhaps or getting too close to the car in front of you.”

Case in point: LAPD officer Kevin Williams recalls pulling up in a patrol car behind a car stopped at a red light. A woman in the passenger seat leaned over to kiss the driver. The light turned green and the car didn’t move as the couple became less and less aware of the rest of the world around them.

“They sat there through the whole phase of the light from green to yellow to red again,” Williams said. “When the light turned red, the driver went to proceed into the intersection, noticed the light was red and stopped. When the light turned green again, he started through the intersection. We pulled him over for failing to go on the green. And we warned his girlfriend that she could have gotten a ticket for interfering with the driver. They were really embarrassed.”

According to CHP officer Jill Angel, a substantial number of tickets are issued each year to motorists who attempt to read their morning newspapers or romance novels while driving. The tickets are not for reading per se, she clarified, but rather for traveling at an unsafe speed given the conditions inside the car (the only speed considered safe for reading being 0 m.p.h.). The citations have generally held up in court, Angel said.

But reading is far from the most astonishing mobile feat CHP officers have witnessed of late. Lyle Whitten, a CHP public affairs officer who spent 20 years on the road, remembered writing several tickets to drivers who changed places with passengers while their vehicles were rolling.

In each case, Whitten presumed the driver knew he or she was being followed by a police car for other offenses and wanted to avoid an additional citation for drunk driving. “Each time, the drivers were so drunk they didn’t realize we could see them through their rear windows,” he said.

And then there was the strange behavior of a solo driver and his creative attempt to escape a ticket for carrying an open container of alcohol in his car. Said Whitten: “I put the red light on a car going 70 m.p.h. It took this guy over two miles to pull over. He kept making these furtive movements. He had been pouring half a gallon of wine out onto the right floor board of the car. It was just swimming in wine about two inches deep. When I looked into his car--very cautiously--the guy said, ‘I don’t have an open container of alcohol if that’s what you’re thinking.’ He did get a ticket for having an open container of alcohol, the open container being his car. He fought it in court and lost.”

With the advent of car phones (which police say generally have not contributed to hazardous driving) it’s now possible not just to listen to the radio while you drive but to be on the radio, too. Jay Thomas, the morning drive-time deejay known for outrageous remarks and general silliness on KPWR-FM, has put drivers on the air to compete in Pee-wee Herman sound-alike contests. He’s also encouraged callers, including many in cars, to offer imitations of Donald Duck and Goofy.

“But I don’t want them to play a musical instrument or anything. I don’t want their hands to leave their steering wheels,” he said. “I once was driving and talking on a car phone and had a big argument with my ex-wife. I got so angry I ran into the car in front of me. My wife decided to divorce me. The people who give car phone licenses took mine away because of the obscene language I used on the air waves. I had to call the police on myself to get the ticket and ended up paying for both cars’ damages. That’s the last time I’ve had a car phone or a wife.”

What’s the reason for this expanding variety of extracurricular car activity--from computer system analyst’s Lexie Booher’s manicure touch-ups on her way to work in the South Bay to writer/producer Robert Perry’s daily morning breakfast feasts en route to his office in Santa Monica?

According to a number of those engaging in such behaviors, it’s not so much that there are now products intended for use while driving (products such as actress Jayne Kennedy’s “Love Your Body” workout tape, which features exercises to be done behind the wheel). Rather, they say, it’s the simple matter of longer and slower commutes to work.

“Los Angeles-area motorists endure about 200,000 vehicle hours of delay per day, and that’s only on the freeway,” observed Chuck O’Connell, chief of the California Department of Transportation’s Maintenance Field Branch and former head of traffic operations systems. “The volume of traffic has been increasing about 5% a year since the ’74 gas crunch. The actual congestion, the number of miles subjected to travel delay (travel at less than 35 m.p.h.) has been increasing at close to 10% a year.”

Some who favor using cars as multipurpose centers also point out that the car is an ideal place to do things that might prove embarrassing or irritating in the presence of others.

One of the most popular reasons cited for doubling up on driving accomplishments is simple time management; for some, there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything, unless you tackle two or three things at once.

Marketing director and aerobics coordinator Danna Clements, of Westwood-based Office Aerobic Services, often has to wear both business attire and workout clothes for her job. She not only sells corporations on providing exercise programs for their employees, she also trains exercise teachers and sometimes substitutes for them.

“I change from business clothes to aerobics clothes while I’m driving,” she said. “I’m constantly running out the door with no shoes on. In the car, I change mainly the lower half, then do the rest when I get to the gym.” Clements revealed she also routinely carries a water bottle with her in the car so she’s sure to drink eight glasses of water a day, consumes many meals while driving, frequently travels with her cat in the car and always completes her bank deposit slips while en route to the bank.

“It’s not safe,” she acknowledged. “I once rear-ended somebody. But it’s boring to do nothing but just drive.”

For some drivers, the car is hardly limited to serving as a breakfast nook, dressing room, office, tanning parlor, telephone booth, reading room, gymnasium, classroom and makeup studio. Some motorists have turned their cars into mobile temples as well.

“I chant a mantra, ‘Om nama shivaya,’ which means ‘I honor the divine consciousness that resides within me,’ ” said family therapist Bruce Harshman of Van Nuys.

Harshman, who travels with a photo of Indian guru Gurumaye Chidvilasananda on his dashboard, says his chanting improves rather than hinders his driving ability.

“It totally relaxes me so I don’t even know how much time I’ve been on the freeway,” he said. “I don’t notice the snarls in traffic. If I left the house relaxed, I arrive in the same state. I never feel time-pressured. If I get into the car already tense and nervous about making some appointment, when I arrive, even though I may be late, I feel relaxed and calm.

“I think basically the car is like a movable home. You’re in a private world and you can do and say and think anything you want when you’re alone in that car. You can do things you may never do in public or when you’re anywhere else.”

ROAD GAMES Dental flossing Chanting Drinking water Reading Talking on the phone Manicuring Calling radio talk shows Eating Deep breathing Screaming to relieve tension Dictating Transcribing tapes Putting on makeup Styling hair Isometric exercising Brushing teeth Playing musical instruments Massaging gums Singing Shaving Listening to radio, tapes Smooching Changing clothes Massaging muscles Playing poker with license plate numbers Calling tips to traffic reporters Flirting with other drivers Honking at drivers stupid enough to be reading or playing a trumpet in car