You Just Hate to See: Ben in Slow Lane, Petty Theft in NFL

As the TV announcers say, you hate to see that . . .

You hate to see Ben Johnson wasting his time in track and field.

Track is a fine sport, don’t get me wrong. But now that Johnson has run a 9.83 100 meters, why stick around? What’s he going to do, break Chuck Yeager’s records? Ben, the Human Head Start, belongs in a football uniform, catching passes from someone like Dan Marino. Thirty yards off the line of scrimmage, Johnson would have a five-yard lead over anyone else on the planet.

You hate to see Brian Holloway publicly offering a Patriots’ playbook to the Raiders, just after the Patriots trade Brian to Irwindale.

Granted, the Raiders need all the help they can get. But football people, even the Raiders, don’t cheat like that. This isn’t baseball, Brian. The revenge factor is understood. You try to stick it to your old coach for trading you away because you’re a union agitator. But is the revenge worthwhile when you also sell out your former teammates and fellow union members, none of whom traded you to the Raiders?

You hate to see what’s become of the Dodgers, who once had name-brand ballplayers.

Sunday, they bust a nine-game losing streak when a base hit by Mike Devereaux and a throwing error allow Danny Heep to score the winning run, with the victory going to pitcher Tim Belcher. The Irvine Little Leaguers have more big names in their lineup.

You hate to see football coaches running major academic institutions.

Fortunately there are three or four big schools in the country where this isn’t the case. At Ohio State, Coach Earle Bruce figured star Cris Carter should be suspended maybe two games for accepting $6,800 from an agent. The Ohio State president, Edward Jennings, upheld the view of Athletic Director Rick Bay and ruled Carter ineligible for the entire season, although Carter can stay in school and keep his scholarship if he chooses. File this story under: Dog wags tail.

You hate to see a true innovator run out of sports.

Minor league catcher Dave Bresnahan tries to pick a runner off third base, but he throws wild into left field. The runner jogs home. Bresnahan produces a baseball and tags the surprised runner out. It turns out that what Bresnahan threw into left field is a peeled potato he has found in his back pocket. The old hidden spud trick. Next day, Bresnahan is kicked off the team.

Now explain this to me: Guys do coke until their brain cells flake off like dandruff, get caught, get another chance, do plush all-expenses-paid rehab gig, and so on and so on. Guy pulls a potato out of his pocket and gets a few laughs, he’s out on the street. Can’t Bresnahan come back if he agrees to be frisked every day for illegal vegetables?

You hate to see John Candelaria shopping himself around in the middle of a pennant race.

Maybe those were honest and innocent remarks he made after Sunday’s game, about how wonderful it would be to live and play baseball in New York, for the--sigh--Yankees. But is this the right time to be daydreaming about what team he might sign with next year, while his current teammates (the Angels, I believe) are still desperately clinging to life? Maybe Candy thinks the Angels have been too slow in making him a contract offer for next season. Well, at least he didn’t give the Yankees an Angels’ playbook.

You hate to see athletes underpaid.

But in the Forbes Top 40, a list of the highest paid entertainers for 1986 and ‘87, the only jocks, unless you count Sly Stallone, were Marvelous Marvin Hagler (No. 32, $16 million), Sugar Ray Leonard (No. 34, $14 million) and Mike Tyson (No. 35, $13 million). The entire Rams team, based on the 1985 payroll of $10.4 million, would have ranked No. 40, just behind Barbra Streisand and bumping Oprah Winfrey to No. 41.

You hate to see John McEnroe self-destruct, just when he’s breaking in a new guru.

McEnroe has been working with Seo Daeshik, a trainer/psycholgist/nutritionist/go-fer. So at the U.S. Open McEnroe blows his top, is fined $7,500, plus an additional $10,000 because it’s his second major offense, and faces a two-month suspension. Say it ain’t so, Seo.

You hate to see fly balls fly into the Angels’ outfield.

During the last two weeks, errors and misplays by Angel outfielders have cost the team five games, which is 2 1/2 games in the standings. Not only that, someone could get hurt out there. Already, Gary Pettis has accidentally knocked a ball over the fence with his mouth, resulting in a home run. Sprinting after one long fly, Devon White decided it was a goner so he gave up chase and the ball hit the fence. “It looked like a home run,” White said, “but then it took a U-turn.” You hate to see that.