Oscars & Other Oddities

Oscar has made his yearly visit, and even his most die-hard fans may feel a bit jaded at the pageantry and predictability of the annual awards.

Therefore, the time has come to recognize some new categories to spice things up.

I ever so humbly present you the winners of these new awards:

Best Use of Music in a Single Scene--”Tough Guys Don’t Dance,” for its use of “Pomp and Circumstance” during the scene in which Tim and Dougy dump the bodies into the lake.

Best Performance by an Inanimate Object--Ellie the Inflatable Doll, for her role as Dennis Hopper’s love interest in “River’s Edge.”

Most Effective Use of a Limousine--Kevin Costner and Sean Young in “No Way Out.”

The addition of these categories would surely revive interest in Oscar, and should be instituted immediately.

KENNETH GRAHAM

Burbank