‘The Real Hollywood’ Takes Counteroffensive

Even as representatives of rival Hollywoods were gathering in Florida, Bill Welsh of the Hollywood (Calif.) Chamber of Commerce was hefting a sign--”We’re the Real Hollywood”--and going on the counteroffensive 3,000 miles to the west.

On the footprints of Mann’s Chinese Theatre, Welsh defended efforts to acquire a federal trademark on the name Hollywood by trotting out a sampling of the film stars who have made his Hollywood famous: Dennis Weaver, Woody Woodpecker and Frankenstein’s monster.

Monster Roars

Mounting a small stage, the odd trio of celebrities joined Welsh and Johnny Grant, “the unofficial mayor of Hollywood,” in some old-fashioned Tinseltown theatrics.

“How many people around the world are daydreaming about being a big star in Hollywood, Florida, or Hollywood, Texas?” Grant asked, while the costumed creature roared, waved its arms and stamped its huge feet at each mention of an alien Hollywood.

“If we let Frankenstein’s monster loose,” Welsh intoned ominously, “you can imagine what will happen in Hollywood, Florida.”

Cause No Harm

Welsh assured Hollywoods everywhere that the proposed trademark would cause them no harm, saying that it would merely help his organization garner royalties from the sale of Hollywood souvenirs to help repair the sidewalk stars of the Walk of Fame.

But if other Hollywoods doubt that Tinseltown is worth such favor, “We’ll take a poll in Canada,” Welsh said, “and we’ll beat them 10 to 1 as far as name recognition.”