Advice to Padres: Just Say No to Anti-Drug Cards

Words, pictures and yams.

* You’ve heard of the Sports Illustrated jinx, right?

An athlete appears on the cover, and suddenly his or her career goes into a barrel roll.

A local equivalent may now be upon us: the baseball card/anti-drug promotion by the San Diego Police Department and the Padres.

Starting last week, officers assigned to the D.A.R.E. (Drug Awareness & Resistance Education) program are handing out cards with a picture of a Padre on one side and an anti-drug message on the other.

The plan is to hand out cards with a different player each week for 27 weeks.

Last week’s (inaugural) card was Benito Santiago, who was then benched and told, in effect, that he’ll be changing team addresses next season.

This week’s card was Greg Riddoch.

Sgt. Juan Gonzales says some kids showed little pity for the fired manager. They tore up the card with his picture on it and stomped away.

As for next week’s card, I don’t want to be an alarmist, but the tender-armed Bruce Hurst might want to start exploring career options.

* Double-header.

The City Club and the Catfish Club are holding a joint luncheon meeting today at Smokey’s Nightclub in Mission Valley (run by former Aztec basketball coach Smokey Gaines): “Something Special at Smokey’s.”

Members of the Padres and Braves will be there. Also Padres broadcaster Jerry Coleman.

Included will be an auction of baseball memorabilia, with proceeds going to the Catfish Club.

Catfish founder the Rev. George Walker Smith promises genuine Southern cooking: “There will be no yams out of cans.”

* General information.

A San Diego attorney who specializes in paternity and child-support cases has two warnings on the back of his business cards:

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Clinical Studies Have Proved That Sexual Intercourse May Cause Babies.

ATTORNEY GENERAL’S WARNING: Willful Failure to Support One’s Minor Child in California is a Misdemeanor Punishable by Both Fine and Imprisonment.

Mudslinging Mottoes

The subtlety of politics.

* With President Bush possibly backing away from a debate at the University of San Diego, the Democratic Party sent reporters a cheeky announcement: “Chicken George Plucks San Diego Debate From Schedule.”

To make sure they got the message, each reporter also received a rubber, featherless, ugly-looking chicken.

* San Diego Republicans are wearing partisan T-shirts.

On the front is President Bush with the slogan, “This Is Your Brain.”

On the back is Bill Clinton, with shades, saxophone and the slogan, “This Is Your Brain on Drugs.”

* With health care being such a big issue, Republican candidate Judy Jarvis is scoring points in the 49th Congressional District by frequently reminding voters that she’s a nurse.

Democrat Lynn Schenk counters by noting that Jarvis has taken money from the tobacco industry, a politically unhealthy thing to do.

* San Diego bumper sticker: “Democrats in ‘92/Too Much Sex, Too Much Gore.”

* The Republican Women’s Club in Fallbrook has set up shop in a downtown gazebo.

Things are going great except for one wise guy who stopped by and suggested that the club sell “Perot watches.”

You know, the ones guaranteed to quit running after six months.

The Godzilla of Dogs

Things of note.

* Bud knows (something).

A film crew from FUJI-TV in Tokyo is in San Diego to film Air Bud, the golden retriever whose owner, Kevin DiCicco, has taught him to play basketball (sort of).

The crew is filming for the “Matsugoro & His Pals” program about strange pets around the world.

* Mitch Himaka, retired as the court reporter for the San Diego Union, will join the district attorney’s office as a part-time public affairs officer.

* I like the guy accused in Superior Court of embezzling $1.5 million from a wealthy Mexican family.

His defense: I wasn’t embezzling the loot, I was only part of a money-laundering scheme.