If the price fits. . . .Been...

If the price fits. . . .

Been holding off buying that $17.95 O.J. Simpson book, “I Want to Tell You”? Well, you can pick one up now at the 99 Cents Only stores.

In fact, you can pick up as many as you want for 99 cents. “No limit,” the chain’s ads assure collectors.

We forgot to check where the book will be located: in the fiction or nonfiction area.

DOES THE DMV NEED A SOBRIETY TEST? A Sherman Oaks resident sent us an information request form he received from the Department of Motor Vehicles that includes the line, “The information received will be used for any unlawful purpose.”

Our informant edited the form so that it read: will “not” be used for any unlawful purpose.

The snafu was only a bit less alarming than the application Leonard Martinez of Canoga Park once received. In that one, the DMV said ominously: “We will give you a vision test and also take a finger and a photograph.”

OFFBEAT TRIAL TALES: Here’s another selection from our favorite column, Charles M. Sevilla’s “Great Moments in Courtroom History,” a collection of wacky trial excerpts.

In the column, published in Forum, an L.A.-based publication of California Attorneys for Criminal Justice, Sevilla recounts how a female witness is asked at one point:

“Did you stop and talk to your son about what had occurred outside?”

“Yes, I did,” she responds. “I asked him what was going on.”

Q: “Did your son respond?”

A: “Yes, he did.”

Q: “What did your son tell you happened outside that gate?”

A: “He said it’s just somebody shooting off firecrackers, mom.”

Q: “What did you respond?”

A: “I responded firecrackers, my ass. That was a gun. It was a .22 or a .25.”

TALK ABOUT GREAT OLDIES: Greg Horbachevsky spotted a notice on a bulletin board at the VA Hospital in West L.A. that said: “10.94% market-based interest rate . . . U.S. Savings Bonds Working for You.”

Oh, yes, the flier said: “Eff. 11-1-84 through 4-30-85.”

Obviously, bulletin board monitors were eliminated in a long-ago cutback.

FINE DINING LANDMARKS: Cities and towns that were the birthplaces of some local restaurant chains (year of opening in parentheses).

* Taco Bell, Downey (1962)

* Cheesecake Factory, Beverly Hills (1972)

* Sizzler, Culver City (1957)

* El Torito, Encino (1954)

* Johnny Rockets, West Hollywood (1986)

* El Pollo Loco, Alvarado Street, L.A. (1980)

* Marie Callender’s, Long Beach (1948)

* Tommy’s, Beverly Boulevard, L.A. (1946)

* Bob’s Big Boy, Glendale (1936)

* Carl’s Jr. (originally the Blimp), Central Avenue, L.A. (1941)

* International House of Pancakes, Toluca Lake (1958)*

* But the first IHOP with the trademark blue roof appeared in 1960 in Woodland Hills.

NO BEACH BOY: When the New York-based detectives in NBC’s “Law and Order” come to L.A. in search of a murder suspect, they find themselves walking on the beach in their civvies. The Jerry Orbach character cracks: “I feel like Nixon at San Clemente.”

JUST ASKING: If the swallows return to Mission San Juan Capistrano each year, does that make them birds of pray?

miscelLAny:

A colleague saw the shoot-’em-up movie “City of Industry” and informs us this is a blatant case of false advertising. There isn’t a single mention of the San Gabriel Valley city. Nor is there a shot of the burg. There are glimpses of Palm Springs, San Pedro, L.A.’s Chinatown. But Industry--no. It might as well have been called “City of Commerce.” You didn’t see this kind of snub in “The Last Time I Saw Paris.”