LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Former White House aide George Stephanopoulos said Hillary Clinton should not have given an interview to Talk magazine. “Yeah, Hillary shouldn’t reveal intimate information about the president. That’s what trusted aides like George are for.” (Daily Scoop)

Hit the Road: Scientists say the ground beneath Los Angeles is moving 1 inch toward Pasadena every five years. “Which makes it faster than the San Gabriel Freeway.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Changing Channels: CBS announced a one-hour special featuring “Livin’ la Vida Loca” singer Ricky Martin will air in November. “Sure, I don’t see anyone being sick of that song three months from now.” (Dennis Miller)

Celebrity Tell-All: According to reports, Keanu Reeves’ girlfriend is pregnant, but a publicist says the star has no plans to get married. “Or to take acting lessons, unfortunately.” (Mark Wheeler)

Not in the Ballpark: Prospects for a professional football team in L.A. are dimming. “It doesn’t look like we’ll have a professional baseball team either.” (Gary Greenfield)

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