Section Gee! Advice, Humor, Comics, Horoscope, Kids : LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Rumors that George W. Bush may have used cocaine in his youth continue to swirl. “I’m starting to believe the rumors. Have you seen his new bumper sticker? ‘Toot if You Support George W. Bush.’ ” (Steve Voldseth)

Retracing the Campaign Trail: Add to allegations about Bush the news that Rhode Island Senate candidate Lincoln Chafee admitted he experimented with cocaine. “See, Marion Barry wasn’t a crack head, he was a trailblazer.” (Jay Leno)

Retracing the Trail II: Al Gore has admitted that as a young man he smoked marijuana. “Which sounds kind of dangerous to me. For most people, pot makes time stand still. When Al Gore was smoking, he would actually travel back in time.” (Leno)

Silly Science: A new study says husbands and wives spend less time on housework. “In other news, kids are noisy, elevators go up and down, and L.A. traffic is very bad.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Not Exactly One for the Record Books: A man who bills himself as the World’s Strongest Man pulled a 16-ton cruise ship. “Seeing as how it would have been easier to let go of the boat and wait for the tide, he’s apparently not the World’s Brightest Man.” (Daily Scoop)

Strange Encounters: During a visit to New York, the Dalai Lama granted an audience to Michael Jackson. “Afterward, Michael said he was a little disappointed that he’s not a real llama.” (Conan O’Brien)

That’s All Folks: A Canadian broadcasting board has ruled that Bugs Bunny is not sexist. “Of course he’s not. Who ever heard of a sexist bunny? Sexist pigs, sure. But sexist bunnies? Never.” (Daily Scoop)

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