Heat Clearly Is One to Beat in the Least That Is the East

You call this a conference? They’re small, they’re mediocre. They’re the East.

It was supposed to be bad, but this is ridiculous, with one team, Miami, playing better than .700 basketball. The Pacific Division, by itself, has five.

The Heat could clinch a playoff berth by Christmas and No. 1 in the East by the All-Star game. In the meantime, we’ll have to hear more stuff like last week’s suggestion on ESPN that Alonzo Mourning was “having another MVP-caliber season.” This must mean he’s tattooing Dickie Simpkins, Terry Mills, Andrew DeClercq, Pervis Ellison, Todd MacCulloch, Andrew Lang, Jim McIlvaine and Ervin Johnson, who started at center for East teams last week.

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the lion-hearted Mourning, but you bring him out here against Shaquille O’Neal and San Antonio’s Twin Towers and he’s a great power forward. In the squat East, he’s Wilt.

The Heat should win 65 games, simply on strength of schedule (54 of 82 against East teams). The other seven playoff teams will come out of the bunch now converging on the .500 mark.

“You remember when I said no Eastern team would make the playoffs in the West?” says the Chicago Tribune’s Sam Smith. “I was wrong. Miami would. That’s it.”

Then there are the rest:

Toronto--If the East has a rising, young team, it’s the Raptors. However, from a dominating standpoint, it’s bad when you return from a 3-2 Western trip, after beating the Lakers and Jazz and blowing a lead late at Phoenix . . . and are blown out at home by Atlanta and beat the Wizards on a three-point shot at the buzzer. This proves any East team can beat any other East team.

Indiana--If the East has another tough, old team, it’s the Pacers. However, the veterans--and Coach Larry Bird--didn’t like President Donnie Walsh starting to rebuild while they were still on the lot. Rik Smits’ feet hurt. Reggie Miller’s heart is sore, with Walsh making no move to re-sign him. Bird says this will be it for him. Aside from that, they’re OK.

New York--Last spring, the Knicks were a miracle. Now they’re just the usual fractured, Gotham-inspired, tabloid-driven hype.

Milwaukee--The Bucks were an insiders’ preseason favorite, on the theory someone else had to emerge--but they haven’t. Even for George Karl, who has never had a good big man and might not know what to do with one if he did, counting on Johnson, Robert “Tractor” Traylor and J.R. Reid as your big men is optimistic.

Charlotte--Another preseason favorite, but how seriously could you take a team with Anthony Mason and Derrick Coleman? Here’s how bad the East is: Elden Campbell is not only a starting center, he’ll get all-star votes . . . and deserve them.

Boston--The personnel acumen and patience of Rick Pitino. The budget of Paul Gaston. Even if the schedule-maker let them stay home for 10 of their first 15, they’ve got to come out of there sometime.

Atlanta--The Hawks took Isaiah Rider in a daring, or foolhardy, rebuilding ploy. He and fellow starter Bimbo Coles are really there because their contracts are running out and they can be dropped next summer for cap room.

Philadelphia--Lost its best player, Allen Iverson, and is doing better without him (3-2) than with him (6-7).

Detroit--The Pistons were so fed up with Bison Dele, there was in-house rejoicing when their only center announced his surprise retirement. They’re doing pretty well, for a team with Mills and Christian Laettner as its big men.

Cleveland--Lost center Zydrunas Ilgauskas, just got starting small forward Lamond Murray back, saw Shawn Kemp come in, looking more like a buddha than a greyhound and they’re still right up there.

Orlando--The Magic melted itself down, trading four starters, taking anyone it could find on short contracts, creating $18 million worth of cap room for next summer--and is still in the race.

Last spring, while the Spurs were in the process of squashing the Knick remnants in a five-game finals that netted ‘90s-low TV ratings, Commissioner David Stern was asked about seeding the final four teams to avoid one-sided matchups. He said it would be a logistic nightmare, etc.

Better think again, Commish, because here comes last spring’s nightmare, all over again.

FACES AND FIGURES

Latest from the Falk-Land Crisis: Stephon (Poor Me) Marbury wrote “All Alone” on his ankle tape--a shot at teammate Keith Van Horn, who’s shooting 36%. Marbury and Van Horn, David Falk clients, then had two meetings. “The way the league is now, you’re not going to see a whole lot of trades,” Van Horn told the New York Times. “The bottom line is we need to work this out ourselves.” Good luck. . . . Dr. Ewing, I presume: Marcus Camby, told by the Knick doctor he couldn’t hurt his sore knee by playing, was cautioned to play it safe by Patrick Ewing. “Pat came up to me this morning and said, ‘It’s the same thing they told me, MC, and I tore my Achilles,’ ” Camby said, sitting himself down for the next two games. . . . Washington’s Rod Strickland is campaigning to go to the Knicks, despite cap rules that require any team that wants him to have $5 million worth of cap room--which only the Bulls and Clippers have. Suggests a New York writer: “The next step for Strickland is to choke and threaten to kill Gar Heard.” . . . Anthony Mason, the only holdover left from the Hornets’ franchise-record 54-win team of 1996-97, ripped management for letting Vlade Divac, Matt Geiger and Glen Rice get away. “I’m just going on history,” Mason said. “You show me one team that was thrown together in one year and won it, then I’ll become a believer.”

Scratch that quick turnaround scenario: Former Bull Steve Kerr, lowering the boom on the Bulls’ hopes of landing Tim Duncan: “As far as Tim is concerned, he’s not going to the Bulls, I can tell you that. He’s from St. Croix and enjoys small towns and warm weather. I don’t think he’s going to Chicago, let’s put it that way. They passed the referendum deal here. His only other option will be Orlando. He has kept his options open, but my guess is he’ll end up here in San Antonio.” . . . Low-flying Bulls’ No. 1 pick Elton Brand, who gets lots of shots blocked, had eight swatted down by the Spurs. Brand could set a rookie record for rejections--but if the Bulls know how many he has had sent back, they’re keeping it secret.

Two views of the East-West thing, from the Indiana perspective. Bird says the new rules help soft teams “and the West always has had soft teams.” Jalen Rose says “The West is about scoring and putting three or four guys out there who can actually put the ball in the basket. In the East, two guys might be robots.” . . . Of course, then there’s his powerhouse: Bird, after going down the stretch with Austin Croshere and Travis Best, instead of Smits and Mark Jackson: “The thing I told them is the BS is over. If you don’t play, you’re not going to be out there.” . . . One flew over the cuckoo’s nest again: Gary Payton went ballistic after the Lakers routed the SuperSonics last week, screaming at his agent, Aaron Goodwin, in the hallway, reportedly angered that Coach Paul Westphal started five reserves to open the fourth quarter. Sonic public relations people, cordoning off the media, actually closed the doors to the dressing room, locking them inside, for a change. Westphal later issued a written statement: “We were extremely frustrated by the loss, tempers flared. This was about the fifth or sixth on the totem pole this year. I’m not going to worry about it.” . . . Payton staged a similar scene last season, railing at Goodwin to “get me out of here.” Says Westphal: “How Gary says things, in the parameters of his personality, is not always going to remind you of Henry Kissinger. But we wouldn’t trade him for Henry Kissinger, either.” . . . Orlando Coach Doc Rivers, told Corey Maggette had an infected toe, from a pedicure: “They just don’t make rookies like they used to.”