Alarming Thoughts on Security

Question from Dec. 29: Comtrad Industries makes a house alarm that produces a barking noise to scare away intruders. If you could choose another sound, what would that be?

“My choice for an effective alarm sound is the soundtrack from ‘The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.’ Guaranteed to give an intruder pause.”

--NAOMI FELDMAN

Los Angeles

“Dogs don’t frighten everybody. This noise will: my mother-in-law yelling at the top of her lungs, ‘I TOLD YOU NOT TO MARRY HIM!’ ”

--WERNER HAAS

West Hollywood

“The alarm would start playing Vanilla Ice’s new CD when the burglar approaches.”

--LESLIE DOGOLDOGOL

Chino Hills

“Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) saying, ‘Go ahead, make my day.’ ”

--RAYMOND BATES

Marina del Rey

“Linda Tripp as the wicked witch saying, ‘I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!’ ”

--GRACE HAMPTON, Burbank

“Monica Lewinsky singing ‘The Indian Love Call.’ ”

--CATHLEEN BROWN

Los Osos

“Ken Starr shouting, ‘I have a subpoena!’ ”

--FRANK W. TERRY

Los Angeles

“The best house alarm would sound like a crying woman. Most burglars are men, and nothing scares a man more than an emotional woman.”

--JANET NEWCOMB

Palm Desert

The question for Jan. 5:

Despair Inc. offers products to “help people become more successful simply by lowering their expectations” (see story, this page). What words and accompanying images would you suggest the company use to accomplish this goal?

Send replies of 25 words or fewer to Smart Aleck, in care of So Cal Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, or e-mail to [email protected]. Include your name and hometown. Replies will appear next week.