LAUGH LINES

Decisions, Decisions: Vice President Al Gore is said to be mulling over what role he’ll play in the upcoming impeachment trial. “He can’t decide if he should remain ‘wooden and silent’ or go with ‘inanimate and mute.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

It’s the Law: President Clinton is urging Congress to lower the blood-alcohol level for drunk drivers to .08%. “If it’s over .08%, you’re legally intoxicated, and if it’s over .8%, then you’re legally a Kennedy.” (Wally Wang)

Don’t Count on It: President Clinton says the Social Security system is Y2K compliant. “The bad news is, the system will still crash before we can benefit from it.” (Daily Scoop)

On the Field: Five NFL coaches were fired last week. “The head coach of the Washington Redskins tried to avoid the ax. He was willing to accept censure instead.” (Leno)

Double Threat: Steven Seagal recently signed a record deal to produce country music albums. “So in addition to never winning an Oscar, he’ll never win a Grammy.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

That Hurts: According to the American Physical Therapy Assn., the holidays are a prime time to injure your back, shoulders or neck. “This comes from things like lifting heavy luggage and carting home emotional baggage.” (Daily Scoop)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, So Cal Living, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.