LAUGH LINES

A Hard Habit to Break: Hurricane Irene dumped several inches of rain in Florida. “It was so wet, Florida State football star Peter Warrick rushed into a store and spent 29 cents for $190 of foul-weather gear.” (Jerry Perisho)

In Denial: A judge denied Robert Downey Jr.’s request to be released from prison or to be resentenced. “Judge Lawrence Mira said Downey’s plea for leniency was adequate under normal circumstances but lacked the sincerity and conviction one would expect from an Oscar nominee.” (Bob Mills)

6 Billion-Plus: “Researchers say there are now 6 billion people on the planet. And that’s not even counting all the Baldwin brothers.” (Alex Kaseberg)

President Beatty? “There’s just one hitch. He told his agent he wants it in his contract that if he’s elected, he wants his name above the title of the country.” (Argus Hamilton)

The Home Front: Kato Kaelin settled a libel suit against a tabloid. He was seeking $15 million. “The award could put him where he’s never been before--his own apartment.” (Hamilton)

You Too Can Make This: Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia went public, almost doubling in price its first day of trading Tuesday. “Of course, you can save a few bucks by making your own stock certificate out of construction paper, a little glitter and some glue.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

We’re Not No. 1, We’re Not No. 1: “Houston has surpassed Los Angeles as the nation’s smoggiest city. I guess those 12 car-poolers really do make a difference.” (Joe Kevany)

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