LAUGH LINES

Way Off the Campaign Trail: The security system for the Clintons’ new home will cost taxpayers about $1 million. “Is the system designed to keep assassins out or Clinton in?” (Daily Scoop)

Speaking of Home: President Clinton paid $200,000 more than the $1.7 million asking price for his new home. “He doesn’t have the hang of this yet. He still thinks he’s spending our money.” (Argus Hamilton)

On the Campaign Trail: In a recent interview, Dan Quayle admitted he’s got to overcome some big campaign obstacles. “And the biggest one? Reality.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Considering the Campaign Trail: Donald Trump is seriously thinking about running for president as a Reform Party candidate, and Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura says it’s a good idea. “Thus proving that head injuries in sports do have lasting consequences.” (Daily Scoop)

Silly Science: Some Americans suffer from a rare disorder in which they fall asleep while talking. “This is not to be confused with a more common disorder--falling asleep while Al Gore is talking.” (Gary Greenfield)

Business Beat: American Airlines and Reno Air have merged. “But if things don’t work out, they can always get a quickie divorce.” (Bob Mills)

No Need to Ever Get Up: La-Z-Boy has introduced the Oasis, the first recliner with a built-in electric cooler, a heat massage and telephone. “The company ought to change its name to Com-A-Tose.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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