LAUGH LINES

Speedy Service: “The Justice Department announced [it has] reached an agreement with Domino’s Pizza that decisions about limiting delivery areas will be based on legitimate safety concerns--and not on racial composition of a neighborhood. . . . The agreement was reached in 30 minutes or less.” (Andrew Wisot)

The Essential David Letterman

Top Signs You’ve Rented a Bad Summer House

10. It’s a time share--and you only have it between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. every day.

9. The first floor is accessible only during low tide.

8. The “Survivor” cast keeps banging on the door, begging for food.

7. It’s three miles underground, and the government gets to test new medicine on you.

6. The previous owner died a year ago--but he’s still in the kitchen.

5. In the rental agreement, the word “bathroom” is always in quotation marks.

3. The lease states that the landlord gets to bathe you.

2. Your roommates: 30 Chinese people in the basement sewing T-shirts.

1. It’s not available until the second week in November.

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