LAUGH LINES

Rough Ride: “President Clinton’s arrival in Colombia was met with violent protests. Police there were worried about the possibility of explosions along the motorcade route. Apparently, the presidential limo rides on Firestone [tires].” (Argus Hamilton)

Wedding Plans?: “Madonna may marry soon. A British tabloid reports rumors are fueled by the superstar wearing a huge diamond ring. The paper says Madonna was spotted with the rock while out with her British lover, film director Guy Ritchie. The tabloid also reports . . . a producer friend says Ritchie intends to marry Madonna by Christmas. This way, the messy divorce can take place just before Easter.” (Mark Wheeler)

Ready to Bicker: “GOP presidential nominee George W. Bush says he will debate Democratic candidate Al Gore on television--but only during prime time. . . . Al Gore and George W. Bush during prime time--let’s call it ‘America’s Least Wanted’!” (Jerry Perisho)

Party Education: “George W. Bush has unveiled a $6.7-billion plan that would allow anyone who wants a college education to get one. He says too many students are deprived the privilege of an advanced education--and the chance to party for four more years.” (Ira Lawson)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.