Traffic School

Cheeser n. red-light runner caught in the act by new mounted-camera enforcement system (from “Say cheese”).

coupon n. test taken in class that, if passed, is essentially redeemed to save on insurance rate hikes.

crash & trash n. any budget traffic school.

dum-vee n. DMV book of regulations.

G.E. n. abbr. Great Equalizer. High-powered suit who blows into class demanding to be signed off and released but is giddily refused. “Unless that cocky G.E. producer in my speed & breed agrees to read my screenplay, he’s road kill.”

hard drive n. computer traffic school.

mama mistie n. phr. recklessly driving Soccer Mom (“mistie” from misdemeanor).

nap time v. run the instructional film.

parole v. let the class out early.

quickie mart n. school that offers pizza, fruit or doughnuts to get zoms to sign up.

road kill n. class failures.

roadrunner n. speeder.

sandler n. traffic-school instructor who thinks he is an actor or writer (from Adam Sandler). “I pity the zoms who take their tickets to hell to Rich’s W.B. That guy is a total sandler!”

speed & breed adj. singles traffic school. syn. fine & dine.

ticket to hell n. phr. citation. syn. divot (from the chunk of cash it takes out of the offender’s paycheck).

W.A.Y.I.F. abbr. “What Are You in For?” Q & A that instructors use to determine why the zoms are in class. “The W.A.Y.I.F.s are mostly cheesers and mama misties. I’m going straight to nap time and parole.”

W.B. n. comedy traffic school (considered about as funny as a W.B. sitcom). syn. caroline (from “Caroline in the City”).

zom n. abbr. student (short for zombies).