LAUGH LINES

School Goals: “Al Gore took his education message to Lewiston High School in Maine. He told students, teachers and parents . . . that under his plan, everyone who wants a high school diploma would be able to get one--including his opponent, George W. Bush.” (Ira Lawson)

Rated R: “Disney says it will no longer air advertisements for R-rated movies on ABC during prime time. . . . They’ll save the R-rated stuff for Dennis Miller’s jokes on ‘Monday Night Football.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

So Long! : “Bobby Knight was fired as Indiana basketball coach after he grabbed a student and began screaming at him. Luckily for him, there is a 12-step recovery support group for raging lunatics. It’s called the Reform Party.” (Argus Hamilton)

Sex, Lies, Lawyer: “A new book came out about the Monica Lewinsky scandal. . . . Apparently, Bill Clinton sent his lawyer in to tell Hillary that he cheated on her. Isn’t that kind of odd? Clinton handled the lying himself, but he needed a lawyer to tell the truth!” (Jay Leno)

Parental Consent: “Michael Douglas says that when he first met Catherine Zeta-Jones’ parents, they were nice to him immediately. Yeah, mainly because her parents have respect for their elders.” (Conan O’Brien)

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