TWO-MINUTE DRILL

Baltimore 31, Cincinnati 13: The real Bengals finally show up. Who were those guys masquerading as Bengals the last few weeks?

San Diego 14, Detroit 7: Nothing says excitement like two teams that have 19 losses between them combining for 21 points.

Jacksonville 27, Houston 0: So, apparently Dave Ragone wasn’t the answer for Houston. Gee, what a surprise.

Green Bay 34, Chicago 21: If Packers make playoffs, will it cost Favre a spot in “There’s Something About Mary 2”?

Minnesota 34, Seattle 7: Calm down Viking fans, you’re just going to fall apart in the playoffs like always.

Tampa Bay 14, New Orleans 7: It turns out Jon Gruden’s jaw has just been wired shut all these years.

Philadelphia 36, Dallas 10: Unhappy Parcells releases entire team after game, then tries to fire Jerry Jones.

Pittsburgh 27, Oakland 7: In a few weeks, Coach Callahan will call it “the dumbest unemployment line I’ve ever seen.”

Indianapolis 29, Tennessee 27: Colts barely held off a quarterback who hobbled around on one leg. Way to go.

Washington 20, N.Y. Giants 7: Irate Spurrier wonders why Redskins didn’t finish near top of final BCS standings.

San Francisco 50, Arizona 14: Get about 20 of your friends together and you too can beat the Cardinals.

Buffalo 17, N.Y. Jets 6: This game was so boring, it’s a surprise CBS didn’t televise it in L.A.

Denver 45, Kansas City 27: What kind of a name for a running back is Clinton Portis?

New England 12, Miami 0: What do Dolphin players do to relax in snowbound Foxboro? Nothing, they just chill naturally.

Atlanta 20, Carolina 14, OT: The Falcons seemed awfully happy for a team that has won only three games.

St. Louis at Cleveland, tonight, 6, Ch. 7: Unfortunately, Monday is Kurt Warner’s night to be in charge of the picket line at Vons.

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-- Houston Mitchell