Ask wife about friend’s behavior

Dear Amy: I’ve had a friend from work for 25 years. We solved problems together, griped about conditions, lunched and played tennis. We retired and have remained friends, albeit with less get-together time.

Well, suddenly my friend says he has to meet with a “group” every morning, including weekends. He is mysterious about the “group,” saying that he is not permitted to talk about what they do.

Though I know his wife, I feel I can’t ask her about this because I’m embarrassed.

Now I am not “permitted” to talk with him during the day and not permitted any lunches. I should let it go. But I feel as if a friendship that I valued is devalued.

Amy, do you have any idea what sort of group could have such requirements as abandoning longtime friends?

Puzzled Pal

Dear Puzzled: Your friend might be attending AA meetings, religious meetings, getting dialysis treatments or playing poker. He might also be grappling with mental illness.

Because neither of us knows what this group is (or if there even is a group), if you want to know what’s going on, you should reach out to his wife. Do this as an expression of concern.

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