dont B a h8r

BELATEDLY, I’VE LEARNED that LOL means Laughing Out Loud, and POS means Parent Over Shoulder (i.e., change the subject, fast). Young people invented this shorthand for e-mail and instant messaging, and you can hear their attitudes and concerns in it — for example, DYHABF (Do You Have A Boyfriend?), W/E (Whatever) and UW (You Wish).

I haven’t been 20 for a long time now, and my thoughts don’t always lend themselves to electronic communication; but they’re common enough to deserve concise acronyms of their own. So feel free to use any of these abbreviations as needed:

Aging and memory loss

TMYNA: Tell Me Your Name Again

GU2P3XLN: Got Up To Pee 3 Times Last Night

WROMH: Where’s the Rest Of My Hair?

SMB/SWU: Stiff Morning Back/Struggling With Underwear

*

Middle-aged Zen

MKDKWAPI: My Kids Don’t Know Who Al Pacino Is

TCLTM: Teenage Cashiers Look Through Me

SIH->NM: The School I Hated Has Become a Nostalgic Memory

JL40WD (WHUA): John Lennon Was 40 When He Died. (What Have You Accomplished?)

ROTFC9: Rolling On The Floor, Call 911

*

Homeownership

SHBASH: Should Have Bought a Smaller House

SHSLY ({circ}M): Should Have Sold Last Year (at Top of the Market)

NNRB: Need New Roof, Boiler

MIRPAA: Must I Really Paint Again, Already?

*

Exercise

YGONTRTAFAM: Young Guy On Next Treadmill Running Twice As Fast As Me

HHDD: Hope He Drops Dead

PSY/NMI: Played Softball Yesterday, Need More Ibuprofen

NTFS/BO: NordicTrac For Sale (Best Offer)

*

Old friends

EBYATT2: I’m E-mailing Because You’re Annoying To Talk To

AHSR-SOOP: At High School Reunion, Saw Only Old People

GOFAM: Googling Old Friends After Midnight

Signing Off, Sideways

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