$3 is no gas-price barrier

Had enough? Please. We’ve barely gotten started -- with the price of

gas that is.

“Regular gas cracks the $3 barrier” pronounced the headline in

Friday’s Daily Pilot.

Three-dollar barrier? I’ll give you “barrier.” Three dollars will

be a momentary pause, a brief respite, a mere blip on the big

gas-o-meter in the sky as prices soar to breathtaking new heights and

leave you bruised, used and abused at the pump in the weeks to come.

Be honest. Filling up is already one of the scariest things you

do. When that lever finally goes “click,” you force yourself to look

at the total and don’t know whether to laugh, cry or pass out.

Hear me on this. You can say you heard it here first, and I want

full credit for it: Before the frost is on the pumpkin and we turn

the clocks back, we will see gas at $5 a gallon.

Is $5 a gallon a magic number? It is not. Does it have some

special significance? None whatsoever. Where does it go from there?

Up, that’s where.

One person who will probably not be impressed with my

preternatural powers of petroleum-price prediction is Automobile Club

of Southern California spokesman Paul Gonzales.

“Anybody who makes a prediction about where gasoline is going to

go is making it up,” Gonzales told a Pilot reporter.

Perhaps. But as the blind man said, we shall see, my friends, we

shall see.

As I’ve told you before, it isn’t just the wild price hikes that

make me crazy. It’s the fact that no one, but no one, can ever

explain why it happens. The price of gas is one of the great

mysteries of life -- like why can’t you tickle yourself? And how does

a thermos know whether to keep stuff hot or cold?

Every time the price of gas lurches skyward, there are some

vagaries from oil experts about rising crude oil prices -- unrest in

the Middle East, the war in Iraq and this time, of course, the

refinery failures on the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina.

How interesting. But answer me this. The price of crude oil has

jumped 25% in the last 60 days and gas has jumped 20% in the last 30

days. Exactly what caused that? Was it unrest in the Middle East,

which has been going on since about 1200 B.C.? How about the war in

Iraq -- the one that started in March of 2003? Remember when

reporters were absolutely breathless about crude oil breaking the

$50-a-barrel “barrier?” That was about 6 weeks ago. Last week, crude

oil topped $70 a barrel.

Now, armed with Katrina as a whipping girl, it’s nothing but blue

skies and green lights for oil companies. For years, we have clucked

and shaken our heads over those poor souls in Europe who pay $5 a

gallon for gas. Well, welcome to Europe, Yank. We will be right there

with them faster than you can say “Yikes!” -- which is fast.

The politicians will be mad as hell, of course, and will vow that

they’re not going to take it anymore. They will demand answers. They

will pound their respective desks and podiums and say the people of

this great nation will not be poked, prodded and gouged at the pump

as long as they have anything to say about it. When the hearings are

over, gas prices will drop, a little, and everyone will go about

their business until the next time prices go through the roof, then

drop, a little. Except they never quite drop back down to where they

were before the latest price explosion, do they? Of course not.

That’s the game, and we all play it, and whatever they charge, we all

pay it.

But wait. It’s not all bad news. According to UC Irvine professor

Richard McKenzie, $3 a gallon is not as bad as it sounds, and when

adjusted for inflation, it’s only 50% higher than 1950 prices.

That statement stopped me in my tracks and sent me and my little

mouse scurrying to the Internet where we found, much to our surprise,

that professor McKenzie is absolutely, positively correct.

Adjusted for inflation, a gallon of gas in 1950 cost $1.91 on

average. Between then and now, the bell-ringer was 1980, at $2.59 a gallon, and the low point was 1995, at $1.28 a gallon.

Feel better now? Neither do I. Do I have any answers for you?

Whaddunutz? Do I ever have any answers?

I did find some tips for saving gas -- most of which are already

in your “Common Sense” folder, or should be: Drive an energy

efficient car; lose the SUV (dream on); slow down; avoid fast starts

and stops; buy gas as close by as possible (don’t burn a $3-a-gallon

gas to save $1.50 filling up); shop where you can get as much as

possible done in one place -- food, dry cleaning, pharmacy, etc.;

lighten the load -- the heavier the vehicle, the more gas it takes to

move it.

I resent that last one. I’m trying to lose weight. It’s not easy,

I tell you.

One tip was less obvious: Check your tire pressure often.

Under-inflated tires can knock your mileage down as much as 5%.

So there you have it. Hot tips on saving gas. Now do you feel

better? Neither do I. Keep that credit card handy and when you hear

the “click,” try not to look at the total. It’s too scary. Drive on,

MacDuff.

I gotta go.